The Facebook “Compare People” application is not suitable for people with serious self esteem issues. Like me. It does strange things to the minds of the self-obsessed. You’re reading this on my blog, for ghod sake.
For those people unfamiliar with the concept, you’re presented with a random pair of your Facebook friends, and asked to choose who “Would you rather kiss?” or who “has a better laugh?”
If you complete enough questions, you’re then taken to your own results page – where you can see where you score relative to your friends, based on the percentage of wins and losses. It’s heaven for the paranoid, narcissistic children of web 2.0…
People without broadband – those in country areas – just listen to Kasey Chambers sing “Am I not pretty enough…?”
My own rankings are full of contradictions, fallacies, stating the fucking obvious (Nobody thinks I can drink more!), how-I-wish-that-were-true statements and meaningless trivialities. How the hell is someone that I haven’t seen in real life for 15 years going to know how punctual I am?
Apparently I am almost as cool as I am hot. No wonder my bones ache.
Nobody wants to be trapped on a desert island with me, but most people are willing to risk travelling with me anyway.
I’m a better listener than everyone else, but there are 45 people that are better friends than me. Odd, given that everyone asked thinks I’m more generous or more likely to do them a favour.
Everyone asked would rather date me, but not everyone would rather sleep with me. Just what the hell are we dating for? Oh, the listening thing. Or my pretty eyes.
You’d all rather marry me, but you have serious doubts about my ability as a father. And I’m neither loyal nor reliable.
Everyone would rather hang out with me for a day, but nobody thinks I’m outgoing. You just want to come to my house then? Does this have anything to do with you all wanting to be stuck in handcuffs with me?
Perhaps I shouldn’t complain so much about it. Maybe it’s rude and gutless to mock people for their Facebook survey choices. Well, I came stone-cold last in bravery and good manners, so fuck off.
June 17, 2009 at 7:34 pm |
I stay well clear of these kinds of FB shenanigans but I’m sure if I were to partake I’d assume the decisions were made based on the other person more than me. That they were so overwhelming whatever they were that I was evidently left with whatever I was. Ya know?
June 17, 2009 at 11:04 pm |
dave i wouldn’t date u lololololo
June 18, 2009 at 9:22 am |
I stumbled across this site. I’ve spent the last two days ploughing through all the posts. I’ve learnt more about the writer than I’ve been aware of for about 15 years. You’re quite a wordsmith. I’d be proud to get to know you again. You know where to find me if there’s any chance of repairing a lost relationship.
June 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm |
I would date you, but I wouldn’t sleep with you. That means I’m still faithful to my marriage, right?
June 18, 2009 at 7:51 pm |
Nope, it just means we’re insomniacs.
June 19, 2009 at 12:50 pm |
I’m so glad that you finally return to blogging with this post, obviously designed to hurt me.
You’ve seen me compile an excel sheet of my attributes and wonder why nobody has anything good to say about me.
July 9, 2009 at 7:08 pm |
Long time no post!!! good good